Crash Bandicoot – N. Sane(ly Difficult) Trilogy

Friday evening.  I come home from a long day in work to find the very slim, humble looking Amazon box containing a game I have wanted to happen for a very long time.  Hours of my time were dedicated to Crash back on my original PlayStation and then my PlayStation 2 (Crash Tag Team Racing  and Nitro Kart need to happen).  I completed all three games back then.  The games posed a decent challenge and I thoroughly enjoyed them.

Fast forward to Friday night and the days that followed (I was working Saturday and Sunday so only got to play in the evening when the 2 younger kids were in bed).  Since owning my PS4, I have not once felt the urge to launch the control pad.  Crash changed that.  The games are significantly more difficult than I recall.  The clunky jumping and movement is very familiar but the sheer number of lives lost in the few hours I played it on Friday evening seem more than the lives lost across the entire game back on the original PlayStation.

The ‘Native Fortress’ became the bane of my life.  It’s family tradition to switch turns once you die.  The control pad has been passed around more than the ball gets turned over in a full game of basketball.  I even Googled the level – I was towards the end and couldn’t nail the timing on the jumps to the burning pad things (three in a row and by the time I jumped the first two, the third burnt my ass and sent me plummeting).  A YouTube video of the original gameplay showed the time between the flames was at least three to five seconds longer than this remakes take on it.  What the actual fuck?  Yes the game has been rebuilt from the ground up but the difficulty has been increased to the point that this family friendly, pleasant and enjoyable game has now turned into the videogame equivalent of Donald Trump’s Twitter feed.  Every single thing makes me hurl abuse at the screen, hammer the sofa/mattress, let lout pained growls and words that would make an entire fleet of whores blush.

I am now stuck on ‘The Lost City’ thanks to the platforms that convert to stairs when weight is put on them and the jump timing is relentless – this game is killing my fucking thumbs.  As an old-school player, the stick controls seem alien to me for Crash so I rely on the D-Pad.  I’m at the point where I hate the game at times.  To break the monotony, I decided to start Crash 2 (Cortex Strikes Back) and fared a bit better until Tier 2 of the levels.

I do not know how many lives we have lost between myself, my wife and my eldest daughter.  I live streamed the gameplay on Friday evening – our performance in that pretty much sums up the entire game for us.  Perhaps it’s that recent games have softened me up as, back in the day, games used to be pretty fucking hard.  The hours spent on the ‘Dizzy’ series of games, text adventure games and all the other treats of the late 80’s and 90’s before games became more about the graphics than the actual gameplay/journey.  I don’t know.  All I know is that this Crash is not my Crash.  I don’t even remember half of these levels either and I spent hours on each game getting all the crates, gems and relics and I’m sure the face-lift isn’t enough to make them unrecognisable.  Maybe the games were genuinely that hard back then and my mind has blocked out those taunted, horrific memories?

I did, however manage to get a platinum relic on ‘Hog Wild’ with a reasonable number of attempts.  That was a feel-good event considering the stench of fail at almost every turn.

The game even brought me to question the very essence of CrashCrash gets washed up on the Wumpa Islands at the start of the game.  He was probably in the water for hours.  Drifting and getting submerged on and off as he floats helplessly.  You touch even the slightest bit of water when jumping from platform to platform and you die.  What the fuck?

In Crash 2, there are parts where he has to wade through water – water that looks deeper than the little streams/rivers in the first game that caused him to instantly die.  But then, later in 2, after having been able to wade in water, you still die in fairly shallow/just as deep waters!

N. Sane by name, N. Sane by nature I guess.

This is not a review.  But, if you’re a fan of the original games…this could turn out to be an incredible disappointment unless you have the patience, endurance and thumb strength to make it through.  How the fuck folk on Reddit have already achieved the platinum trophy I do not know – they must be machines!

Watch all three of us suck (some less so than others…) below:


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Final Fantasy XV: Justice Monsters Five

The rewards you obtain by playing Justice Monsters Five depend on the number of treasure chests you manage to collect (they’re the golden rectangles that pop up in the slot-machine reels when you clear a round).

Justice Monsters Five is also available as a mobile game via the App Store and Google Play. Using the app will grant you bonuses in the FFXV version of the game and unlock a special sticker for the Regalia.

Justice Monsters Five Locations

Justice Monsters Five machines can be found in all Crows Nest Diners, and near the cafe in Altissia. The machine in Altissia costs 10,000 Gil per game, so consider it for advanced players only!

Listed below are details of prizes awarded in relation to the number of chests earned.  I believe the lists to be accurate but if I have missed anything or there is an error, drop a comment below!

Justice Monsters Five (10 Gil Machine Rewards)

Number of Treasure Chests — Reward

2 — Potion

5 — Hi-Potion

10 — Elixir

15 — Hi-Elixir

20 — Garnet Bracelet

25 — Carbon Bangle

30 — Amethyst Bracelet

35 — Titanium Bangle

40 — Mega Phoenix

45 — Sapphire Bracelet

50 — Gold Bangle

60 — Oracle Earring

70 — Ruby Bracelet

80 — Platinum Bangle

90 — Emerald Bracelet

99 — Celestriad

Justice Monsters Five (10,000 Gil Machine Rewards)

The super-deluxe JMF machine near Alessio in Altissia costs a whopping 10,000 Gil per game.  Not surprisingly, the rewards are far better than you’ll find in the regular machine.

Number of Treasure Chests — Reward

5 — Hi-Potion

10 — Mega Phoenix

15 — Ruby Bracelet

20 — Platinum Bangle

25 — Emerald Bracelet

30 — Centurion Bangle

35 — Mystic Circlet

40 — Moogle Charm

45 — Legatus Bangle

50 — Blue Diamond Bracelet

60 — Gigas Bangle

70 — Assist Suit

80 — Dark Matter Bracelet

90 — Onion Bangle

99 – Wind-up Lord Vexxos

In case you’re wondering, the game’s final reward, the Wind-up Lord Vexxos, can be sold for a whopping 500,000 Gil or used to make some intensely powerful spells in crafting.

Moogle Chocobo Event

I am currently working on a list of rewards for the machines during the Moogle Chocobo event.

90 — 40 Choco-Mog Medallions (If I remember correctly, I did this earlier today…)


If you have any details regarding the machine rewards during the event, please let me know so I can update the list!

Kweh!  Kupo!

Final Fantasy XV Moogle Chocobo Carnival Event


Final Fantasy XV patch release date is this week, bringing in the new skills of taking pictures, anytime, freely. The brand new feature of the FFXV patch is also said to roll-out the Holiday Pack, which is more popular as the Final Fantasy XV Moogle Chocobo Carnival Event.

The carnival event will start at different time zones, specifically Jan. 23 PT 5 PM or Jan. 24 1AM GMT. The Final Fantasy XV event will also run until Feb. 20, 4PM. A dedicated community was further created to cater to fans who would like to check for their region’s release date and future events.

The Final Fantasy XV Moogle Chocobo Carnival Event will be Square Enix’s first DLC after the launch. According to previous reports, the event will be free for all players, which means players who do not have the season pass can still access the event. However, season pass holders will get the benefit of getting exclusive contents.

The FFXV event, moreover, will be taking place at City of Altissia, where it will be reconstructed into a theme park with lavish decors. The Moogle Chocobo Carnival Event will be bringing over exciting Noctis outfits, new side quests, and firework displays.

During the event, Noctis will reportedly adorn his chocobo outfit. The entire City of Altissia will also be featuring photography, fishing, dancing, and machine gun firing.

Final Fantasy XV Is Best-Selling PS4 Game In December 2016

The Final Fantasy XV has been regarded as North America’s best-selling launch in history of series release.  Furthermore, it is also December 2016’s best-selling PS4 game, Game Industry reported.

In a statement, the awarding body expressed that the Final Fantasy XV was able to experience the best launch for console in the franchise history, which started in 1995. The newly released game franchise sold 19 percent new physical units than the FFXIII during its launch month. With regards to total revenue plus sales of the digital full game, it also gained 54 percent more.

Nintendo Switch Announcement

When it comes to videogames and big announcements, I usually only care about Playstation.  However, since I saw the first video showing the Switch in action…well, I almost did a sex-wee.

I haven’t bothered with Nintendo since the Wii (and it was the first Nintendo console I ever owned).  This is a game changer
(pardon the pun).

So what’s the deets?

It will launch on 3/3/17.

It will cost $299.99 in the US, £279.99 in the UK and 29,980 yen ($260) in Japan, more than some analysts and gamers had been expecting.

The stakes are high for the Japanese firm after its most recent console, the Wii U, failed to replicate the success of the original Wii.

Nintendo shares dipped as details of the launch trickled out.

Nintendo revealed in October last year that the games machine would be a handheld device that doubles as a home console.

Previously code-named NX, the Switch looks like a tablet computer with Joy-Con controllers that attach to its sides.

The screen is touch-sensitive and the controllers can detect movement, like the Wii Remote.

When used at home, the tablet component slots into a dock that connects to a TV set.

Games will be delivered on small cartridges, a nod to older Nintendo consoles.

The firm said that about 80 games were in development, including a new Mario game called Super Mario Odyssey, out late in 2017.

One of the new titles unveiled was Arms, a motion-controlled boxing game, due to be released this spring.

‘Bad price points’

Initially, there was some negative reaction online to the pricing of the console’s accessories.

A Pro Controller, in the style of a traditional console controller, costs $69.99 (£57.50), additional Joy-Con controllers are $79.99 and a spare dock to use the Switch with another TV or monitor is $89.99.

“These are bad, bad price points,” wrote video game writer Pat Contri on Twitter.

The pricing was described as a “bad, bad joke” by video game news site Polygon.

But some reactions were more positive.

“Fair play Nintendo, this looks wonderful,” wrote one fan on Twitter.

Other details announced on Friday included:

  • Console comes with 32GB of storage – extendable with a MicroSD card slot
  • Plans to end regional locking – meaning games could be played on all consoles – no matter where in the world they were bought
  • Multiplayer online gaming – initially free but later paid-for
  • A smartphone app for social aspects of games including chat function

I am pretty excited for this – I won’t be a day one buyer (although I am tempted) as I want to wait and see what the games line-up will be like and how well the launch goes.

If you are looking to pre-order this awesome looking device, please support this site by clicking through on my Amazon link or TopCashback (once you have signed up to TopCashback, you can search for your preferred retailer and then use the relevant link to have them track your cashback) – either method costs you no extra and it will help with the costs of running the site.

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